The world's smallest violin

...is playing for Mr Potato Head.  (Formerly known as XH).

Not going to go into it, but I saw him last night and he tried to nonchalantly throw in what I felt were carefully crafted comments about how hard it all is for him. Breathe in, breathe out.  I can't take issue with the fact that the marriage ended, if he felt that it was never going to work out then that's the way it is.  That doesn't excuse him for starting an affair while he was still married to me and leaving me to draw my own strangulated conclusions about the demise of the marriage without ever communicating anything to me, making me elicit every sad strain of the story out of him. So sympathy is off the menu. 

Moreover I've been musing about moving on, and no I don't mean about buying a new flat because although I hope that's all going through, there are some niggles.  Like the lease specifies that you can't have pets.  I mean, what would I do without my feline paperweights?  It's house-hunting all over again if this can't be overcome.

I've been thinking - no, musing still, because musing suggests the appropriate amount of trepidation and commensurate caution - musing about meeting someone else. 

It's almost like a seven year relationship never happened, mainly because I'm blanking it I suppose but I look back and think how the hell did it all start?  I used to firmly believe that you meet someone when you are happy and least expecting it.  Which was what happened last time, more or less.  A holiday romance that turned into more.  So now I'm relatively-happy-comparatively-speaking and how do I go about meeting someone.  Do I go about it at all? Do I just wait to see who I meet, or who Fate throws into my path.  Or go down the mysinglefriend route, on a campaign.   Get out there, start 'dating'.  Holy crap, I think I am too scared for that. No, I know I am too scared for that.  What about seeing if any friends say 'I know this great guy' - at which point my inner cynic comes roaring to the fore screaming 'Freak! Freak!  Why the hell is he still single?'  And how do you say 'Oh dear god. I like your taste in yarn/restaurants/clothes so sweet dear lord why would you think I'd ever have anything in common with this troglodyte humpbacked  misogynist taxidermist?'  You know, it's not that I want a new relationship.  I think I just want some fun.  Maybe a frisson of excitment...

Gah.  A lot to think about.  Or maybe don't think about it at all.  It will be interesting to see what happens next...

Comments

[Claire (Bahrain)]

What will be, will be. Don't give yourelf grey hair. If there is some one nicer for you out there, he will be sent. No need to go looking and making yourself desperate.

[another outspoken female]

Mr Potato Head - I love it! My fav for exes is inspired by the "Mr Men" series - Mr Wrong. I even found a "mr wrong" gift card and gave it to my partner at the time.

One all time Mr Wrong - had to be a partner of 4 years who I'd bought a house with, so it was hardly a fling. He started acting suspiciously, especially when he had to go on a 'business trip' one weekend (he was a contractor - so most unlikely). When he got back I asked him if he was seeing someone else - to which he replied "I'd never do anything to hurt you" AND "Who have you been talking to" simultaneously.

Moving on is a darn good thing. Love comes when your ready for it again, or for the more impatient amongst us - a while after that. But it does happen eventually!

[kirsty]

Trust your inner Wise Woman, FG. You'll be fine.
Oh, and you are wise indeed to reserve the TINIEST violin for Mr Potato Head. Well deserved, I would have thought.

[Leigh]

You're right. Love comes along when you least expect it. That's no reason not to have Mr Rightnow take you out for a cocktail in the mean time.

[Helen Conway]

For what my opinion is worth ( as someone who is not only not in your position but also a member of the family lawyering fraternity... and I know how high that puts me in people's opinions!) I'd say avoid dating agencies at least for a while after the fall out. Nothing wrong with them per se but relationships started in the fall out of a divorce are notoriously difficult. Better to get out into the world where people are and see if Mr Right comes along naturally. If not then after a while yes sign up - but I'd focus on people who like you are a while past initial breakup. And meanwhile if days get you down visualise making chips with Mr Potatohead!

[Thimbleanna]

The fact that you're thinking about playing a violin instead of the hangman's noose says how well you're doing! Moving on. Years ago I had a friend who was just obsessed with finding someone -- he'd been at it for several years. I told him to "give it a rest"...he did...and bam! When he stopped looking so hard, along came the perfect girl and now there are three perfect children. It's really hard not to think about it, but if you'll "give it a rest" it will happen.... ;-) XOXO

[claire]

The no pets thing can quite often be swung by agreeing not to take on any more pets once these ones are gone.

I have absolutely no heterosexual male single friends, so you're safe for a while!

[knitterrooney]

I love the way the name has stuck - toss him in with some greens and make yourself a nice, delicious salad.

In the meantime, feast your eyes on Orlando,.. yum, yum!!

[Lucy]

Men are capable of the most amazing crass remarks, usually revolving around themselves. Look on the bright side - they're not all like that! Not sure how you go about the dating thing - I'm a great believer in things just turning up. Good luck also with the flat. How could a landlord not want those cute paperweights around?

[Jennifer]

"troglodyte humpbacked misogynist taxidermist" -- what a vision! I second those who say that being happy, living your life, being out there doing the things you like to do and putting the effort into doing some things on your own (going to galleries or to other places you enjoy that (1) men might also enjoy [not that there aren't some great guys who do knit] and that (2) carry some possibility of someone who might share your interests) have a way of making connections happen. (You know, the doing the things on your own sometimes makes you more approachable, and also serves to remind you how very delightful your own company really can be -- ironically that NOT having to be with someone all the time can make it possible to find someone to be with....) Mr. Potato Head is a great improvement on his nickname, too -- much less dignified and mysterious, more lumpy and stupid.