Lessons in becoming myself

I'm watching Oprah at the moment, which really brings me back as I used to watch it when I was younger, in school, to avoid doing homework.  I also watched the Winter Olympics - all the coverage - the year I was doing my Leaving Cert, despite never having had any interest in sports up until then, and I had my mother very worried that unless the luge and the identities of the Candian ice hockey team came up in some shape or form on one of the papers, perhaps as a multi-choice quiz in the English exam, I'd fail it all.

Oprah had Ellen Burnstyn and Cheryl Crowe on, and Ellen Burnstyn's autobiography is called "Lessons in Becoming Myself".  Lately I've been thinking I need a few lessons like that.  I'm feeling a bit stuck at the moment, as there has been little progress on the home front, I should be pushing things more.  I am hankering after my own place and a 'proper' new start - complete with the wallpaper I keep banging on about.

So many friends have announced pregnancies and engagements lately. Though I am genuinely thrilled for them,  I've been moping a little - privately, obviously - about being broody. One of the things I notice about a lot of crafty blogs is that so many of the authors are mums.  And being honest, I'd hoped that I'd be a mum by now too, or that at least we'd still be trying.  Of course, I also thought that we'd still be "happily" married. Sometimes this really gets me down, but then I tell myself that it's natural and will get better, it will.  I've been reading this book today which had made me laugh more than brood about the thought of being a mum, if you're at all familiar with these delightful books, you'll appreciate Becky saying that her husband was humouring all her cravings in pregnancy, such the craving for 'pineapple and a pink cardigan'.

I'm applying for more jobs as I really want to get my financial independence back.  As well as paying for my stash and general entertainment, I want to get debt free and be able to afford a decent holiday this year. Of course, that entails doing more than just 'wanting' it, and I'm reminded of that old saw "I want never gets" - whereas "I get off my arse" tends to be more successful.

Finally the socks are done, and though they s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d dramatically to Bobo the Clown proportions when they were washed, they seem to have shrunk back ok and are now ready to be gift-wrapped and delivered, along with the custom-dyed buttons from the Button Queen in Marylebone which will adorn a vintage Jaeger suit.  So now I need to find a pattern for the next pair of socks which will be for me, me, me.  Various options have been suggested, such as the Jaywalkers or Knitty's RPMs and then I just have to choose which yarn I'm going to use, probably the Colinette Jitterbug in Florentina.  I'm also working on the tank top in the Lux, which - thankfully - actually knits up really well, somewhat more subtle than it appears in the ball. Simultaneously there will be yet another pair of the Louisa Harding mittens for my aunt - apparently she keeps nicking the pair that I made for my grandmother for Christmas.

Comments

[JeanieB]

Those socks are so funky - great to see them finished!

[PurlyQueen]

Loving your work! Those socks are fantastic. I've got the same yarn in my stash I love the way the stripes have come out.

[Rebecca (eco felter in rural Ireland)]

I think your very brave embarking on this big life change, it would terrify me. I won't patronise you with lectures about these things making us strong and interesting (I ought to be bionic and fascinating by now by those rules, but sadly am not!). I'm sure wonderful doors will open for you, when you close others.

[raspberry]

I think he have lots of drive, and you will get what you want!!!!

[Lisa]

Hi, I have just stumbled upon your blog and read your newest post.

I was really touched by your honesty. I don't know the details of what happened to get you where you are now...but it looks like you've got the right attitude, you're realistic and you want a change for the better.

I just thought I would comment because I think my sister (who is the same age) is going through something similar. It happened last August but to see little changes in her making a big difference as the months pass by has been really lovely...

Wishing you the best of luck and I'll keep an eye on your nice blog.

[littleshika]

I can totally sympathize with the "faking to be happy" about everyone getting pregnant stuff. it's hard to appreciate what we have sometimes and not just want what everyone else has. but.. i've been surprized at how often people want all the little things I have but never new were important. the grass is always greener I suppose.

Lately I've been pretty good about finding the bright side of life and blocking everything else out. (even if the bright side is just the taste of a warm baked muffin) Here's to hoping you can do the same.
*hugs*